Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction


Description : After Squidward was exceptionally cranky today, Spongebob and Patrick believe he is a monster and he decides to play along.

The scene begins outside the main neighborhood. Spongebob and Patrick rush out of Spongebob’s pineapple playing Tag, You’re It.

Spongebob: Tag! You're it Pat!

Patrick: It! It! What does it mean?!

Spongebob: Tag me! If you can!

Spongebob runs off

Patrick: I will tag you!

Patrick gives chase

Meanwhile in Squidward’s bedroom, Squidward is peacefully sleeping. Outside, Spongebob continues running and runs into Squidward’s house when Patrick starts to gain on him. Spongebob runs upstairs as loudly as possible and Patrick follows in pursuit. Spongebob finally barges into Squid’s room which wakes him up and before he knows it, Patrick piles on him.

Squidward: AAAAH!

Patrick(tags Spongebob) : You're it!

Squidward(muffled) : PATRICK! SPONGEBOB!

Patrick gets off Squidward and his face looks flattened like a pancake.

Patrick: Oh hey Squidward!

Spongebob: Wanna play tag?

Squidward: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Spongebob: Woah okay okay, we can play leap frog.


Patrick: Eels and Esclators!





Spongebob: Patrick?

Patrick:, MONSTER!!!

Patrick runs through the wall crying in terror believing Squidward was a monster with that extra crankiness.

Spongebob: MONSTER?!

Spongebob runs out crying as well.

Squidward: UGH, finally some peace.

Squidward motions to go back to sleep but then a light bulb shines above his head and he wakes and smiles very deviously just getting an amusing idea.

Squidward: Or on second thought, how about a game?! Sooooo, they think I'm a monster eh? Hmmm, hehe! If it's a monster they want, it's a monster they'll get!

Squidward goes to his closet like he did in “Don't Look Now”  and looks at some past Halloween costumes he still has.

He looks at his zombie costume.

Squidward: Zombie… nah, too overused.

He looks at his vampire costume.

Squidward: Nah, no Twilight for me thank you very much.

He looks at his clown costume.

Squidward: Nah, the creepy clown trend is dead.

He then spots a Hash Slinging Slasher costume.

Squidward: Aha! Perfect! Those buffoons will realize that the Hash Slinging Slasher will be real once more!

He puts the costume on and grabs a spatula from his kitchen. He then opens his door slowly with the spatula.

Meanwhile, Spongebob and Patrick are taking refuge in the pineapple and are trying to calm down.

Spongebob: Oh man! Oh man! That was so scary!

Patrick: I don't think I can cope again!

Spongebob: I don’t think I can feed Gary again!

Gary overheard and his jaw dropped in shock.

Patrick: I can’t eat again!

Spongebob: I can’t cook Krabby Patties again!

Patrick: I can’t use Spongebob’s deodorant again!

Spongebob: I can’t.. wait what?

They then hear a knock at the door.

Spongebob: Patrick, go see who that is.

Patrick: Why don’t you do it?!

Spongebob: I am uh, expecting a phone call.

Patrick: Spongebob!

Spongebob: OKAY FINE!

Spongebob creeps slowly to the door and is shaking with fear. He turns his head to see Patrick going in his cabinets to hide with a jar of cookies.

Spongebob(whispering) : Patrick!

Patrick: When in doubt, pinkie out!

Patrick then closes the cabinet door.

Spongebob continues to shake with fear.

Spongebob: Uhhhh, oh, Gary! Get the door for me please!

Gary: Meow

Spongebob: No? No! What do you mean no?!

Gary: Meow Meow Meow

Spongebob: Grow a backbone?! What’s that supposed to mean?!

Gary: Meow Meow Mrowwwwwww

Spongebob: Don’t be cowardly! I am not cowardly!

Spongebob opens the door to prove himself and there is nothing there.

Spongebob: See Gary?! I am brave!

Gary: Meow

Spongebob: I thought you'd say that so I will say this!

As Spongebob babbles on on how he is right and Gary is wrong, Squidward, dressed as the Hash Slinging Slasher, slides slowly and silently behind him. Gary notices.

Gary(terrified) : MEOWWWWWW!!!!!

Gary, despite being a snail, slithers as fast as a car on the freeway and joins Patrick in the cabinet.

Spongebob: Ha! Who’s the coward now!

As Spongebob crosses his arms in satisfaction, he feels a tap on his right shoulder.

Spongebob: Ooh! I guess Patrick got brave!

Spongebob turns expecting Patrick and is at first oblivious to the “monster” in front of him.

Spongebob: Oh, hey Hash Slinging Slasher.

Spongebob turns back around and then realizes.


Spongebob runs to the Kitchen and Squidward gives chase.

Spongebob: Don’t hurt me!!! AAAAAHHHH!

Squidward slashes the spatula at him but misses and Spongebob runs into the refrigerator. Patrick creaks open the cabinet door and him and Gary peek out and sees Spongebob shaking with extreme terror in the fridge and the monster is nowhere to be seen. Spongebob motions to them to close the cabinet door. Patrick is confused.

Patrick: Spongebob?

Spongebob: Shut the door!

Patrick: Why?

The “Hash Slinging Slasher” slides creepily again showing himself to Patrick.

Hash(Squidward) : BECAUSSEEEEE, I SAID SO!!!!!


Patrick shuts the door, Gary munches on his snail food next to Patrick to try and calm down. Spongebob locks himself in the fridge.

Squidward goes to the living room and takes off his mask and is overwhelmed with laughter.

Squidward: HAHAHA!!! Oh those morons! This is gold! Patrick thought I was a zombie! What a loser! This totally beats sleeping in! Oh man, what should I do next?

Squidward then notices the TV and gets another devious idea.

Spongebob shakes with terror as he slowly opens the fridge door again. Patrick does the same with his cabinet.

Patrick: Is the coast clear?!!

Spongebob: I hope so!

Patrick then doesn't hear the TV anymore and Gary peaks out.

Patrick: Spongebob, please tell me you shut off the TV just now?!!

Spongebob: I don't think I have the clicker.

Patrick: Gary?

Gary: Meow Meow

Patrick: Wasn’t you?! Well, um uh…

Suddenly, The Hash Slinging Squidward slides out and has replaced his mask and put the TV on his head with a drawing of a slime monster on the screen. The screen also flashes several colors due to Squidward using a mirror reflecting different colors.

Hash Slinging Squidward(being a monster) : BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Spongebob: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Spongebob takes Gary and runs for the door. Patrick faints as a reaction to Squidward.

Spongebob: PATRICK!!!

Spongebob grabs Patrick and manages to throw him into the garbage can to keep him safe. He then notices Gary being dragged away by the Hash Slinging Squidward using his spatula.

Gary: MEOWWWW!!!

Spongebob: GARY!!!

Squidward manically laughs and prepares to throw Gary into the window.

Spongebob(going from terrified to angry): Nobody hurts my GARE-BEAR!!

Spongebob then lunges and Squidward sees and drops Gary in shock. 

Gary slithers to safety as Spongebob begins to beat up the “monster.” Patrick regains consciousness and peeks out of his garbage can and sees this.

Patrick : Get em Spongebob! Get em!

Spongebob, still not knowing it is actually Squidward, finally throws him into a table breaking many of his bones. Spongebob then punches the tv into Squid’s mouth which lunges it back out destroying it when it hits the wall. Spongebob calms down and then sees Squidward, dazed in confusion.

Spongebob: Squidward?

Squidward: Ooooohhhh, oh my head.

Spongebob: Uhhhhh?

Spongebob then notices Patrick coming towards Squidward with a watermelon.

Spongebob: Patrick? What are you doing?

Patrick: I think the monster is tricking us into believing it is Squidward! Now, HERE COMES THE MELON!!

Spongebob: Patrick STOP!! It is actually Squidward, but the monster did eat him I think. And we saved him!

Patrick: Oooooooooohh…. I’m hungry!

The scene cuts to Squidward in the hospital in a full body cast. Patrick is cowering in fear under a desk when he noticed some old magazines and a stethoscope. Spongebob asks Dr.Gilliam about Squidward’s status, still ignorant to the fact that Squidward was the monster.

Spongebob: Is he okay Doc?

Dr.Gill Gilliam: Well he has got 17 broken bones, his bladder ruptured but we were barely able to fix that and he won’t be able to speak for two weeks. Other than that, he will pull through. How did this happen anyway?

Spongebob: Well this monster ate him and was terrorizing us but I was able to beat up and kill the monster when he almost hurt Gary and we saved both Gare-Bear and Squidward!

Patrick: The monster’s name was the Garbage Pinging Basher!

Spongebob: Hash Slinging Slasher…

Dr.Gill Gilliam: Okayyyyyy ummmmmm anyways, here’s your bill.

Spongebob puts on his big square glasses and reads the bill and is shocked to see that he has to pay $517.

Spongebob: $517 dollars?! How am I supposed to pay that?! I only earn $20 a year from work!

Dr.Gill Gilliam: Well, there is one alternative, you can dispatch Squidward today at the cost of 10 cents and you can take care of his expenses at wherever you live while I can go to my office and watch my Tom’s Anatomy. What do you say?!

Spongebob: My home it is!!

Dr.Gill Gilliam: Excellent choice!

Dr.Gilliam then leaves and also dumps Patrick’s head in a toilet when he is caught looking in it. Patrick freaks out not wanting to be dunked in a toilet again.

Spongebob: You hear that Squidward! We will be roomies for the next two weeks!

Squidward can't speak but he can groan and his eyes tear up and his groans are heard as an outside shot of the Hospital is shown.

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