Mrs.Krabs (SpongeBob fanfic)

Main Characters Edit

Spongebob Squarepants

Patrick Star

Eugene H. Krabs


Squidward Tentacles

Plot Edit

Mrs.Puff has a nervous breakdown after Spongebob's and Patrick's usual antics in Boating School. SpongeBob needs a substitute and it happens to be none other than Mr.Krabs!

CHAPTER 1 : The Break Edit

The scene opens up with SpongeBob at the bus stop wondering where Patrick is.

SPONGEBOB : Where is Patrick? It is 7:58 AM, the bus comes in two minutes.

Squidward then walks out his house with a basket in hand, he is getting ready to do some crop planting.

SPONGEBOB : Hey Squidward!

SQUIDWARD : Fishpaste

SPONGEBOB : What are you up to?

SQUIDWARD : Going to start tier 2 on my seanut brittle farm.

SPONGEBOB : Have you seen Patrick?

SQUIDWARD : No, and I don't care.

SPONGEBOB : Well it's 7:59 (notices the bus picking up other students down the street) and the bus is coming.

Suddenly Spongebob hears footsteps and turns to see Patrick with purple access over his mouth.

SPONGEBOB : Where were you?

PATRICK : Heehee! Hoohoo!

SQUIDWARD : Wait a second I recognize that purple access. 

Squidward looks concerned before running to his backyard. He sees his seanut brittle farm all eaten. Patrick ate every last crop including the seeds. The bus stops by and Patrick excitedly bursts through the bus while SpongeBob boards it like a normal person. Squidward notices.

SPONGEBOB : See you later Squidward! Bye!

The bus leaves.

SQUIDWARD(angrily) : PATRICK!!!!!!!

The scene later cuts to the first bell ringing. The students look as miserable as ever, especially since it is a Monday morning, the worst morning of all at Boating School. SpongeBob and Patrick however excitedly run in. Finally Mrs.Puff walks in also tired.

MRS.PUFF : Only 15 more years until retirement.


MRS.PUFF : Ugh, SpongeBob I appreciate your enthusiasm but can I at least get situated in first and drink my coffee?

SPONGEBOB : Well are we taking notes? A test? Notes? Driving?!

MRS.PUFF(sighing) : ....Class, open your textbooks to page 612 and do prob.15-40 plus the lesson check. Use your notes as well or finish your notes.

The class groans but does what the middle aged pufferfish says. SpongeBob does what she says and is already on problem 20. Patrick positions his pillow and is ready for his daily nap.

Now it is 10 AM. Between 8:30 and 9:50, they took a hard pop quiz and now moving on to another unit.

MRS.PUFF : Okay class, I hope you know your turn signals and headlight stamina now, because, we will be studying Fishbone's Law of the Road plus law of averages today.

The class groans again. SpongeBob has his notes pencil plus notebook ready to spend the next two hours taking notes until it is time for lunch at 12. Suddenly, SpongeBob and an awakened Patrick hear the theme song of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. A truck passes by outside blaring their theme song promoting their new movie coming out Friday.

SPONGEBOB : Mermaidman!

PATRICK : Barnacleboy!

MRS.PUFF : SpongeBob, Patrick, please sit and take notes.

SPONGEBOB : Time to sing the theme song, young Ward!

PATRICK : Right with you, sir!

STUDENT : Kill me, honestly just kill me.

MRS.PUFF : Uh, guys?

SPONGEBOB : Honest man!

PATRICK : Mermaidman!


PATRICK : Barnacleboy!

MRS.PUFF(starting to get annoyed) : GUYS.

SPONGEBOB : Superman!

PATRICK : Mermaidman!

SPONGEBOB : Double Boy!

PATRICK : Barnacleboy!

Two students begin bashing their heads on the desks.


SPONGEBOB : Love man!

PATRICK : Mermaidman!

SPONGEBOB : Cabin Boy!

PATRICK : Barnacleboy!

PATRICK : Mermaidman!

SPONGEBOB : Garbage can!


Mrs.Puff screams which finally gets the full attention of SpongeBob and Patrick as well as the students.


The class remains silent until Old Man Jenkins, who for some reason is a student among other teens and 20 year olds while he is in his 90's, says his thoughts on the song.

OLD MAN JENKINS : I liked that song.

MRS.PUFF : You still don't get it! YOU STILL DON'T GET IT!!!!

SPONGEBOB : But Mrs.Puff, we were only just


PATRICK : Uh Mrs.Puff?


PATRICK : Can I go to the bathroom? I knew I shouldn't have eaten Squidward's seanut brittle and that chili taco earlier.


Mrs.Puff pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out of the way and storms out and gets into her boat and drives off not saying anything else. The entire class including SpongeBob and Patrick are borderline shocked at what just happened. Old Man Jenkins then breaks the silence.

OLD MAN JENKINS : I still liked that song.

Chapter 2 : The Substitute ===

The class is still shocked but then start getting up.

SPONGEBOB : Peers, where are you going?!

STUDENT : Going home.


STUDENT : Because, our teacher almost went postal and abandoned us and is elsewhere right now.

SPONGEBOB : But you can't go, need to learn!

STUDENT : Why learn when I can play seabox!


STUDENT : And try to stop me and your underwear goes over your head.

PATRICK : I will stop you and

SPONGEBOB : Patrick, no!

Too late, the student gets behind Patrick and pulls up his undies giving him a wedgie and the undies go over his head. The student begin leaving.

SPONGEBOB : Pat, you okay? 

PATRICK : Is my rear supposed to have a sharp pain?

SPONGEBOB : Well it looks like we're on our own. (Pulls the undies off Patrick's head)

The scene cuts to 11:57 AM, the two friends are bored. SpongeBob is trying to focus and take notes himself but with what happened with Mrs.Puff, for the first time ever, he can not focus.  Patrick is bouncing a rubber ball. SpongeBob starts to get frustrated.

SPONGEBOB : Patrick, can you stop bouncing your ball, I'm trying to study here.

PATRICK : Why?! our teacher finally lost it and we can probably go home now.

SPONGEBOB : Well, we could but I won't, I come here to learn.

PATRICK : SpongeBob, how about we have lunch cause I am craving for a peanut butter taco right now and then after lunch, we go and say play eels and escalators at home, go and annoy Squidward or go Jellyfishing. Please, I'm so bored!!!

SpongeBob thinks for a minute then answers...


PATRICK : Good, let's go and pick up some lunch at Pizza Castle, I actually no longer want a peanut butter taco now, now I'm craving a double decker extra cheese mushroom pizza with pickle essence! Yum!

SPONGEBOB : Why don't we eat here.

PATRICK : School food is gross.

SPONGEBOB : Actually, yeah, let's go.

The scene cuts to Pizza Castle at 12:15 PM, The two friends are sitting together. SpongeBob is just having a slice of pizza still not accepting the fact that Mrs.Puff quit while Patrick got his meal as he said earlier. They are sitting on the royal booth since Pizza Castle adores Patrick and Patrick is their #1 customer. 

PATRICK : Come on SpongeBob, lighten up, at least we get to eat pizza instead of the slop at school and plus we can go home and play board games, eat popcorn, watch movies, annoy Squidward and maybe even go Jellyfishing!

SPONGEBOB : Nah, I don't really feel like it.

WAITER : Here you go Mr.Star, your quadruple decker ice cream chocolate swirl with jelly beans, gummy worms and tacs. May I um, get a tip of 10 bucks?

PATRICK : Always stealing money from me Reg but you're restaurant is the best so of course!

REG : Thank you for doing business with you!

Patrick engulfs his entire treat in one bite and then runs off into the bathroom since he really has to go. Spongebob hears his iPhone ringing. He gets it out of his pocket and sees that Mr.Krabs is calling. He answers


MR.KRABS : SpongeBob, me boy, I heard that scrumptious curvy cutie uh I mean Mrs.Puff! Quit or retired or whatever, so that means you can come into work to work until 10 pm.

SPONGEBOB : Oh uh, I will, but I might not be serving good today because, I just need to get some boating schooling.


SPONGEBOB : I'm just depressed right now, I'm currently at Pizza Castle with Patrick right now.

MR.KRABS : Pizza Castle? Spongebob! I told you over and over to never eat at any other restaurants besides mine!


MR.KRABS : So you need schooling. Well, can you still work.

SPONGEBOB : I could but I probably won't be productive.

MR.KRABS : Huh, (in thoughts: Maybe I can teach the boy some skills so he can work as well) , how about I teach ye.

SPONGEBOB : I'm flattered Mr.Krabs but you don't really need to.

MR.KRABS : No, no, it ain't trouble. I can teach ye some skills on how to drive a boat or even a speedboat for the price of 10 bucks!

SPONGEBOB : That seems like a good deal, I payed $15 a semester for Mrs.Puff. Well, okay, Mr.Krabs, I'll get Patrick and head back to school now.

MR.KRABS : Actually, we won't be doing this at that shack, we'll be doing this here at The Krusty Krab instead because, during school breaks, I want you to work the grill and serve Krabby Patties as well. Could that be arranged cause I know how picky you are.

SPONGEBOB : I suppose. Okay, Mr.Krabs, I'll be there soon!

MR.KRABS : Atta boy! Also, I should let ye know that Squidward is in a very bad mood right now because, someone ruined his seanut brittle farm he spent all summer working on so just stay out of his way.

SPONGEBOB : Can do captain!

MR.KRABS : Good, see ya.

Mr.Krabs hangs up. Patrick then comes out of the bathroom sighing in relief with toilet paper stuck to his foot, green gas oozes out and two customers run out of the restroom holding their noses gagging since Patrick did not take a friendly dump.

PATRICK : Okay, SpongeBob, leave the bill and lets go home and watch the trailer for the new Mermaidman movie!

SPONGEBOB : Actually, Pat, we got school!

Chapter 3 - The Krusty Krab School ===

PATRICK : SpongeBob, I thought we talked about this before, Mrs.Puff quit which means...

SPONGEBOB : No, what I mean't was that while you went to the bathroom doing your um, business... Mr.Krabs called me and wants me to work and also take some boating classes with him.

PATRICK : Uhhh, can you repeat that, I lost you at business.

SPONGEBOB : We are going to the Krusty Krab to work and learn!

PATRICK : Can I get a cookie?!


SpongeBob then runs out chanting I'm ready bound for The Krusty Krab while a pouting Patrick follows sad that he gets to learn but have no cookie. The scene cuts to The Krusty Krab, SpongeBob and Patrick walk in just in time for the lunch rush, seeing Squidward rushing back and forth between the kitchen and his post with tons of Krabby Patties. Old Man Jenkins is locked in the bathroom having went there and got locked in accidentally after he ditched Boating School. Mr.Krabs then walks out of his office and notices the two friends.

MR.KRABS : Hello SpongeBob, hi, Patrick.

SPONGEBOB : Present captain!

PATRICK : Uhhhh, what does hi mean?

MR.KRABS : Well, get into the kitchen and start whipping up those patties, just in time for the money lunch rush!

SPONGEBOB : I thought we were going to be taught education.

MR.KRABS : Oh right arrr, how about you whip up the rest of the patties for these fine customers while I get set up. As you can see Squidward needs help.

FEMALE CUSTOMER : Would you hurry up big nose?! I got a mother and sixteen screaming kids at home begging for Krabby Patties!

SQUIDWARD : Hold your cheesecakes, I'll have it out just as soon as I figure out how to use the fryer.

SPONGEBOB : Good point, okay, on it!

SpongeBob goes into the Kitchen to relieve Squidward, Squidward walks out exhausted and falls flat on his face to the floor already looking forward to closing time which is another five to six hours away.

PATRICK : What can I do Mr.Krabs?

MR.KRABS : Arrr, buy something or get out or let Jenkins out, that old man is so accident prone.


Patrick goes and kicks the door down and after three kids run in to do their business. Old Man Jenkins crawls out from under the door and says...

OLD MAN JENKINS : I don't want to be a burden.

MR.KRABS : Starfishes...

It is now 1 PM, The Lunch Rush is over. Squidward is glaring at Patrick still mad about the seanut brittle accident while Patrick stares back focusing on the ugly beautiful octopus. SpongeBob is sitting at a table while Mr.Krabs puts on his bifocals, pulls up his pants really high tucking his shirt in and grabs out a ruler.

MR.KRABS : Okay SpongeBob, what is 2 + 2?!

SPONGEBOB : Uh Mr.Krabs, this is boating not math.

MR.KRABS : Oh right Arrgh, what is the motto of The Krusty Krab's hook policy, since she was once a pirate ship!

SPONGEBOB : Yoho, Yoho, near the hooks, I'll never go. Was that a warm up cause if it is, it was really interesting!

MR.KRABS : Yeah sure whatever, now take out some paper and write down notes on the founding of a boat of 19 what eleventy twelve.

SPONGEBOB : 1924! Silly!

MR.KRABS : Arrgh, right. (Thoughts: Looks like I need to get a manual)

Meanwhile, Squidward finally yells at Patrick.

SQUIDWARD : Stop looking at me you barnacle head!

PATRICK : What does barnacle head mean?

Squidward then sighs and changes the subject insulting Patrick.

SQUIDWARD : You are such a bubble head that has a brain stamina and IQ level just barely above a rock.

PATRICK : Um, you talk to inanimate objects, your nose might be something else and you stick clarinets up your butt, ew.

SQUIDWARD : No I don't!

PATRICK : Check Bikini Bottom's Funniest Home Videos!

SQUIDWARD : Okay you fuchsia blockhead.

PATRICK : Don't be savage, you make poorly made cheesecake puns and you like canned bread, who likes that garbage, freaks like you!

SPONGEBOB(overhearing) : He told you.

PATRICK(satisfied) : #ROASTED! (Squidward looks away in disappointment)

SQUIDWARD : I hate my life.

Chapter 4 : Second Thoughts ===

It is now 2:50 PM, Patrick has fallen asleep up in the crows nest, Squidward decides to take his own half hour break by relaxing  in the Kitchen and eating a sea-chicken quesadilla because, he can by law and Mr.Krabs is doing something else. Mr.Krabs keeps glancing at his manual because, he has no idea how to be a teacher.

MR.KRABS : Okay um, can you write down some notepads or whatever you call it these days and write about the first steering wheel and how it was made by by Jonathan P. JeffmanPaperman.

SPONGEBOB : But I already took notes on the first steering wheel and Jonathan P. JensenJagerman.

MR.KRABS(flipping to pg.9) : Okay um, how about the boat revolution from 3681 to 3690?

SPONGEBOB : Learned that last semester and it was 1863 to 1890!

MR.KRABS(flipping to pg.11) : Trial and Error of first time drivers?

SPONGEBOB : Did a whole 8 page essay on that this summer for points!

MR.KRABS(flipping to pg.15) : Centrifugal force of a boat?

SPONGEBOB : Mr.Krabs, ever heard of 2011? Because, that's the year I learned about that.

MR.KRABS : Well, what lesson are ye learning scallywag?!

SPONGEBOB : Law of Averages.

MR.KRABS : What in corn caverns is that?

SPONGEBOB : The law of the road and how you can average them all into universal law.


SPONGEBOB : Laws and how boats follow.

MR.KRABS : Good enough. Take a pop quiz on it and


SpongeBob shows a piece of paper with several answers which are all correct.

MR.KRABS(confused) : How did you do that?

Before SpongeBob can answer, Patrick has awakened and picks Mr.Krabs's butt.

MR.KRABS : Wa, howwwww!!!! PATRICK! Don't touch me there!

PATRICK : Sorry Mr.Krabs, I spotted a sea urchin down there.

SQUIDWARD : And you went and reached down there?!! Sketch!

PATRICK : At least I don't stick clarinets up my


PATRICK : Yea Squidward!

Squidward's face gets steaming red like a tomato and he goes into the bathroom to be alone for a little while.

MR.KRABS : Anyways, um, okay, school is out for ye today but you still remain here for work!

SPONGEBOB : Wait Mr.Krabs, what are we going to learn about tomorrow.

MR.KRABS : Ah SpongeBob.

SPONGEBOB : No wait a sec Mr.Krabs, I was saying we still need to learn Thomson's Rule of the road, debunking the police lights controversy, determine the maximum speed of hertz in a speedboat, learn about the second made steering wheel and review and reinforce the history of the USS Bottomfeeder.

MR.KRABS : SpongeBob, I'm 72 years old, you're young, I'm old, I need to go and rest, count me money and count me money.

SPONGEBOB : Can we learn Tuxbury's Second Law of Boat Physics.

MR.KRABS : SpongeBob, enough, go and cook Krabby Patties and earn me money.

SPONGEBOB : Yes, captain.

Mr.Krabs enters the bathroom


SQUIDWARD(in a stall) : WHAT?! Can't you see I'm a little busy here, Mr.Krabs?

MR.KRABS : Get to work! I ain't paying you to poop!

SQUIDWARD : You hardly pay me.

MR.KRABS : Speaking of, I have your bill which you have to pay me 6 bucks for breathing, existing, sleeping, using the toilet and talking back.

SQUIDWARD : Are you serious?!

MR.KRABS : 7 dollars now!

Squidward exits the stall.

SQUIDWARD : You're insane you crabby cheesecake crab!

MR.KRABS : What is it with you and cheesecakes?

SQUIDWARD : Whatever

Squidward goes back to his post, Patrick is sitting at a table watching funny cat videos and as Mr.Krabs walks by to go and count his money, he hears SpongeBob humming and singing about boating school. Mr.Krabs is starting to have second thoughts about this decision to be a boating school teacher.

Chapter 5 : Two Sides of The Same Coin ===



It is 5:59 PM, 1 minute to go until closing time. Squidward is waiting by the doors ready to bolt out when it is 6. Patrick Star is bouncing his rubber ball again. Mr.Krabs is polishing the windows and then SpongeBob comes up.

SPONGEBOB : Hey Mr.Krabs. What're doing?

MR.KRABS : Cleaning the windows for tomorrow. Nasty barnacles, always soiling the seeing glass.

SPONGEBOB : Well, as you do that, I would just like to thank you for being my substitute for boating school, it has been a real help!

MR.KRABS : Thank you lad (Thoughts : Hopefully just school today and all out work tomorrow).

6:00 PM : Squidward bolts out in the blink of an eye.

SQUIDWARD : Woohoo!! Freedom!!

PATRICK : Run Forest Run!

MR.KRABS : Well see you tomorrow SpongeBob.

SPONGEBOB : Actually Mr.K, I was wondering um, could we stay an extra hour to go over a seminar on more lesson plans for more school days in the future. As much as I would love to have Mrs.Puff back, it doesn't look like that is going to be a realistic option so you might have to teach me.

MR.KRABS : Arr, SpongeBob? When I said that I would teach you, that was only an arrangement for one day.

6:03 PM

PATRICK : SpongeBob, I have to get going, my mom is expecting me cause I need to go and take her to the annual End of Summer Dance tonight to dance with her.

SPONGEBOB : Huh, I totally forgot about that! Well bye, see you later!

Patrick leaves.

MR.KRABS : Hey, SpongeBob me lad why don't you go to this summer dance thingy with Patrick instead of sticking with me.

SPONGEBOB : Uh, but I don't have a date and I'm a horrible dancer anyways!

MR.KRABS : SpongeBob, as your commanding officer, I command you to go to this dance with Patrick.


MR.KRABS(frustrated) : Go!

SpongeBob finally skips out and yells out to Patrick to wait up for him. Mr.Krabs is going to go home but first goes into his office to make a call.

MR.KRABS(dialing a phone number and it is ringing) : If I almost lost it today, then I ain't going to cope with this for more days.

CALLER : Hello?

MR.KRABS : Hey Mrs.Puff

MRS.PUFF : Oh hey Eugene, what's up?

MR.KRABS : What're up to?

Scene shows Mrs.Puff painting a self-portrait of herself while watching a TV program in her house.

MRS.PUFF : Just painting a portrait of myself and watching Bikini Bottom Live.

MR.KRABS : Well uh, I was wondering if you could arrr... teach boating again?

MRS.PUFF : Why would I go back to that prison camp and get gray hairs faster?! I'm still waiting on my aspirin to be delivered so I won't have panic attacks or puffing up anymore.

MR.KRABS : Well I had to substitute for me lad SpongeBob and... he was so annoying today!! Honestly, I almost considered letting him teach instead because, that kid is going to drive me into an early grave with his super brain and I won't be able to make me billionth dollar. You have to teach again!!!

MRS.PUFF : Mr.Krabs, I feel you, but you only suffered that psycho for one day while I had to put up with him for 16 years! You  see the difference there right?

MR.KRABS : But you're more qualified than I am, you didn't like it and I know you quit now but for 16 years, no matter how much you suffered, you always went back. Please, he needs you now more than ever, this school thing is also going to put a conflict on his working days. Please, go back!!!

MRS.PUFF : Mr.Krabs, what are you like 69?


MRS.PUFF : You're an elderly man, grow a backbone and put up with him for the next 16 years, I can't go back, Dr.Caldwell said I would puff up and explode if I go back to that poisonous environment. I'm sorry, Eugene, I can't go back there.

MR.KRABS : Arrgh, I can't believe you just gave up like that, I have a reason because I'm not qualified like you are, I'm SpongeBob's boss, not his teacher. I can't teach for anything while you taught for 16, maybe even more years. He needs you Poppy, not me. If you still don't want to hear me out, fine, but think about that instead of jumping to conclusions. Who are you? Really. I gotta go home now before Pearlie starts getting mad that I don't have her dinner on the table, unless if she went to that dance, okay tootles.

Mr.Krabs hangs up and exits the Krusty Krab, turning off the lights darkening it and closing it for the night and going home. Mrs.Puff puts down her paintbrush and stares at her numerous boating school academic and achievement awards on her front wall including a picture of Spongebob passing his first written test with 500 points. Mrs.Puff looks stoic.

Chapter 6 : Conclusion ===

It is the next day, SpongeBob exits his house and swallows a mint after having his breakfast. He sees Squidward sunbathing outside.

SPONGEBOB : Good morning Squidward!!!! I can't wait for work and school today!!!!

SQUIDWARD : Pfft simpleton.

Squidward then puts ear buds in and takes out his MP3 player and listens to jazz and also reads a boring mathematics digest magazine.

Patrick then walks to SpongeBob's house.

SPONGEBOB : Good morning Patrick! I can't wait to learn more from Mr.K at the Krusty Krab today!

PATRICK : Uh SpongeBob? Was Mrs.Puff supposed to text me last night? I have a message on my iPhone.


PATRICK : Check yours while I go and eat some of Squidward's carrots.

SPONGEBOB : Actually wait up a sec.

SpongeBob takes out his iPhone and puts on his huge glasses and reads a text message from Mrs.Puff sent just now actually. It was sent throughout all students phone numbers.

Text M.#5053

Message from : Poppy Puff, 60 years old, single and miserly.

Recipient : Spongebob SquarePants, 26 years old, happy and naive.

Message : Dear boating students, before you jump to conclusions, I know I said that I quit teaching you all yesterday but after receiving a call from my 72 year old boyfriend and owner of The Krusty Krab, I analyzed my academic and achievement awards and after dancing a bit at the dance last night, getting some Bikini Bottom House of Pizza ice cream and how much success, economically I can get if I retire instead, I am coming back and going to continue teaching even if it can be quite a torture session. I need the money but more importantly, you need your education. For you Spongebob, please go easy and pay attention instead of singing about Mermaidman or else I'm quitting again. Behave. Now I need to go take some aspirin and cancel my application for early retirement sent to city hall and then go to school and we will continue the Law of Averages. See you soon.


Mrs.Poppy Puff

P.S : Patrick Star, I'm not a big fat meanie but you are a super fat hippopotamus!

Back to SpongeBob, he looks stunned for a moment before shooting up into the sky in excitement. Patrick looks on as does Squidward before Squidward quickly goes back to doing his thing.

SPONGEBOB : Let's get going Patrick!! I see the bus coming up now.

PATRICK : Okay but why did Mrs.Puff call me a super fat hippopotamus? That's mean!    Patrick begins to cry.

The two friends enter the bus as SpongeBob calms Patrick down. The bus drives off. Watching from afar is Mr.Krabs. He says...

MR.KRABS : Sweet relief.

The End

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