Fancyson Avenue (SpongeBob SquarePants Fanfiction)
Squilliam, in an effort to embarrass Squidward, decides to hire the Krusty Krew to do house chores while Squilliam makes the most ridiculous requests. Squidward decides to play his game sensing what he is trying to do.
Eugene H. Krabs
King Neptune (Cameo)
The Story Edit
The scene begins at the Krusty Krab on a very slow day. Squidward is sleeping at his post and SpongeBob is learning the psychology of a Krabby Patty. Mr.Krabs then enters which wakes Squidward up.
MR.KRABS: All Krusty Krab employees straight to me office! Pronto!
SQUIDWARD: Is it important, cause if it is not, you will pay the price for interrupting my dream I had of being a famous musician!
MR.KRABS: Oh quit your whining Mr.Squidward, just get in me office with the boy, it’s very much important!
SPONGEBOB: Everything is important at the Krusty Krab Squidward!
SQUIDWARD: Was I talking to you?
The two enter the cheapskate’s office and take seats.
MR.KRABS: Now as you may have noticed, we have been falling behind quite a bit in terms of sales and customers.
SQUIDWARD: This matters to me how?
MR.KRABS: But I then received a call from a very influential person, and he can save the slump we have fallen ourselves into by doing some chores for him.
SQUIDWARD(getting sarcastic): Wait let me guess, Mermaidman wants us to floss his toenails, or Barnacleboy wants us to regulate his bath temperature, no no no, wait… the mayor wants me to scrub his toilet again! I knew this would be a waste of time!
MR.KRABS: I wasn’t talking about those freeloaders, I was talking about Squilliam Fancyson!
Squidward immediately gets stunned and his nose shrivels up.
SPONGEBOB: Squilliam Fancyson?! What a nice guy! That’s awesome!
SQUIDWARD: NO! No! No! No! I am not doing chores for that moron!
MR.KRABS: Is this stupid rivalry seriously still going on, it’s been years since ye went to school, like come on.
SQUIDWARD: You’re asking me to serve and forgive the same man that beat me to a pulp for my clothes, pushed me into the sea lion exhibit while on a field trip to the Bikini Bottom Zoo, fed me live seahorse defecation…
Narrator: 60 minutes later.
SQUIDWARD: Wedgied me until my backside is now a sensitive side, stored dirty magazines in my planner so I could get detention and….
MR.KRABS: OK, WE GET IT! You were bullied!
SQUIDWARD: Exactly! Not serving my childhood bully!
SPONGEBOB: Oh come on Squid! Why don’t you make amends, forget that um.. past.. and try and form a better relationship.
SQUIDWARD: Zip it SpongeBob.
SpongeBob remains silent.
MR.KRABS: What is it going to take for you to come with us to cater the richest man in town?
SQUIDWARD: Hmmm, well you coul…
MR.KRABS: Not paying you me money!
SQUIDWARD: Then bye!
Squidward exits the door. Mr.Krabs and Spongebob look at each other. Squidward returns to his post to catch some Z’s. Suddenly, he is bagged and tied up by his boss and adversary and brought out to Mr.Krabs’ boat.
The scene cuts to the Krusty Krew pulling up in front of Fancyson Manor. Squidward is finally unbagged and a piece of duct tape that was on his mouth is ripped off.
SQUIDWARD: OWWWW!! You barnacleheads! Both of you will go to jail!!
MR.KRABS: We kidnapped you for your own good Squidward! You need to stop being self-conscious.
SQUIDWARD: And you need to stop being a cheapskate.
Mr.Krabs grabs a wooden club.
MR.KRABS: Mind saying that again, didn’t catch what you said.
SPONGEBOB: Knock it off! Fancyson’s a coming!
Squilliam Fancyson, worth a billion dollars, walks up to the Krusty Krew already having his signature cocky smile and already specifically focusing on Squidward.
SQUILLIAM: Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old High School buddy, Squidward!
SQUIDWARD(nervously): H.H.H.Hi Squilliam.
SQUILLIAM: Look I may have made your feeble and failure of a life even more miserable than originally intended but I truly would like the catering of your restaurant today.
SQUIDWARD: Oh well uh..
SQUILLIAM: Oh wait… my mistake, not your restaurant! A lousy dump that smells like sweaty gym socks!
Mr.Krabs winks at Spongebob to make him know that’s the reason why that is.
Some of Squilliam’s following arrives.
SQUILLIAM: And said dump’s employees also consist of a fat old pirate crab who steals from charity every Saturday, a naive Sponge who’s yellow and then you… a.k.a, the product of failed plastic surgery.
The following laughs hysterically, Squidward feels like jumping off Ripper’s Reef.
SQUILLIAM: Haha, oh good times…. okay, enough filler, time to get to work. Krabs, go and work on my chimney.
MR.KRABS: But I thought you were ordering ye food.
SQUILLIAM: Am I richer than you?
SQUILLIAM: Then do as I say peasant!
MR.KRABS: Yes sir.
Mr. Krabs goes to find a ladder.
SPONGEBOB: Ooh, ooh, what can I do, Squilliam?!!
SQUILLIAM: Go and….. continuously punch yourself in the face until I say stop.
SpongeBob takes a boxing glove made of spikes and begins punching and tickling himself.
SQUILLIAM: And….. Squiddy!
SQUIDWARD (agitated): What?!
SQUILLIAM: You… will floss my toes!
Squilliam shows his toes that have fungus, puss, ants and barnacles all over it.
SQUIDWARD: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!! Ew.
Squidward enters Fancyson Manor after Squilliam.
The scene cuts to Squidward getting rid of the last of the garbage off Squilliam’s toes. Squilliam is reading Rich Tycoon’s Digest, while in a new warm robe, relaxing on his diamond couch and planning to watch a show on his Gold Television soon. Squidward tries to escape but is stopped.
SQUILLIAM: Hey hey, I didn’t say you could leave yet.
SQUIDWARD: And why not? I flossed your toes like you said!
SQUILLIAM: Did you get inside my toenail, or how about my heels??
SQUIDWARD: I flossed it all! Now can I leave with the dignity I have left?
SQUILLIAM: First of all, you never had dignity, and second of all, my next cater I want is to repaint this room!
SQUIDWARD: Why? It’s fine as is.
Squidward angrily mutters some very inappropriate words under his breath that are not clear enough to hear. Squilliam shakes his head.
MR.KRABS (from the distance): Hey Squilliam?
MR.KRABS: I finished cleaning the chimney? Do you want ye food now?
SQUILLIAM: Not quite, I now want you to clean the subatomic particles.
MR.KRABS: That is impossible.
SQUILLIAM: So will be my order, unless if you get on with my request!
MR.KRABS: ….. I’ll be a while.
Squidward then enters the room again with a twitch and angry look on his face and has got the paint.
Some time passes. Then he finishes.
SQUIDWARD: Ok, is this good?
Squilliam sees a victorian style.
Now a porcelain style.
A Neptune style.
SQUILLIAM: Too braggadocious.
King Neptune is in the background trying to resist himself from blasting Squilliam out of existence with his trident.
And finally, the same style as before.
SQUIDWARD: This is the same as before!
Squilliam puts one of his diamonds he stores in his nose onto the wall to make it different and make Squidward look like an idiot.
SQUIDWARD: ……. Can I go now?
SQUILLIAM: Fine… you never were fun anyway.
Squidward gets ready to leave but then thinks of something and smiles deviously.
SQUIDWARD: Wait.. I want some more jobs.
SQUILLIAM(surprised): Really now? Ok…. soap my boat.
SQUIDWARD: On it!
Squidward decides to use some reverse psychology.
A montage is then shown of Squidward happily soaping Squilliam’s boat, taming his wild hound worms, cleaning the diamonds plus the mega large safe and finally cleaning out the gutters of more garbage.
Squidward walks back into the mansion, all happy. Squilliam walks up.
SQUILLIAM: You seem happy, why is that?
SQUIDWARD: Just want to serve you, like old times.
SQUILLIAM: That seems good.
Mr.Krabs walks up, completely coated in chimney dust and ashes.
MR.KRABS: Okay the subatomic particles, atoms, molecules and those other voodoo thingies are all clean, now can you order some Krabby Patties so I can earn me some money?
SpongeBob then walks in, all dazed.
SPONGEBOB: Is this good enough Squilliam, I know you didn’t say stop.
Squilliam answers Krabs’ question instead.
SQUILLIAM: I suppose, okay, I’ll order.
Squidward grabs his order book.
SQUIDWARD: What do you want your majesty?
SQUILLIAM: I want a fat free Krabby Patty, seahorse ranch, an Iceberg Salad and some honesty.
SQUIDWARD: $8.46…… WAIT….. We don’t serve honesty on the menu?
SQUILLIAM: That makes sense, since all you did for me, wasn’t honest now was it?
SQUIDWARD: What are you saying right NOW?!
SQUILLIAM: You should’ve paid attention in school Squiddy… I know what reverse psychology is… you thought you could play my game…. nah…. you failed! And guess what, I never wanted a Krabby Patty in the first place! The day I order from the Krusty Dumpster, is the day I keel over….. with a couple million dollars of course!
Mr. Krabs however is the one to get mad instead.
MR.KRABS: Wait.. you lied.. so we can do your housework for you as well as to undermine us to a new level?!!
SQUILLIAM: Isn’t that what I just said?
Mr.Krabs’ eyes turn boiling red with anger and he loses it and begins destroying Fancyson Manor.
SQUILLIAM: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Squidward then gets heated up.
Squidward kicks Squilliam in the groin making him yelp in pain.
Mr. Krabs and Squidward proceed to destroy Fancyson Manor with some methods such as Krabs lawnmowing all over Squilliam’s walls glued with his self portraits and Squidward chewing apart Fancyson’s statue of his unibrow made of gilded doorknobs. Eventually, the mansion is reduced to rubble. Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Squidward and Squilliam surface.
The scene cuts to a jail cell where Spongebob, Squidward and Mr.Krabs are spending their time in. Squilliam recovered in the Hospital.
SQUIDWARD: Thanks cheapskate! Now we have to pay our dues!
MR.KRABS: You destroyed the mansion as well!
SQUIDWARD: But it wasn’t my idea!
SPONGEBOB: Enough arguing! Let’s just spend the next 30 days in jail. Squilliam lied, which was wrong, but we also did bad stuff too. Nobody should ever go extreme on anything no matter what the issue is, it never solves anything.
MR.KRABS: Unless if it is self-defense.
SPONGEBOB & SQUIDWARD: Good point.
The Krusty Krew continues their doing time. Squidward reveals a pocketed dollar bill he stole when destroying the manor and looks happy…. until Mr.Krabs snatches it from him and claims it as his own.